Tell Me Please...

...What I already know.

Every so often I go through this stage where I want to move back to Yucca Valley. At this point and time it is cheaper, and I use that word very loosely, to rent a house than to buy one.

Why, do I want to move yet again?
Almost every thing we do is in Yucca Valley--30 to 45 min. from where I live now.
Living in something bigger would be nice.
Not hearing every thing my neighbors do when they are in their bathroom would be a great plus.
My son could possibly walk to school and other places of business. Which means he would actually leave the house from time to time.
Though I am saving some $, not any thing like I thought I would. Why not spend the money living close to friends, in a nice-er home.
Supposedly, if I moved to Yucca Valley my daughter would come home at night. No, I wouldn't move just on that excuse, but it does run across my mind in the whole pro verses con mentality.

See, a home is as nice as the home maker makes it. Doesn't matter where it is or how big it is. I realize that.

Then, tonight when I picked up my son from school he was in a yucky mood. Bad day at school, but "I'll be ok, mom". He likes the idea of moving back into town because then he could "go places with out always being with you". You being me. He was very polite and careful not to hurt my feelings. But let's face it, he's 17 years old and every thing he does is with me. He does go to school and gets along with the kids there but they are all younger than him, live in Yucca Valley and aren't really who he would socialize with away from school any way. Sympathy for yes, sorry for him, no.

Then later tonight he said to me, mom I just wish you didn't work as much. You used to take me to school and pick me up. If you didn't work as much we would have time to go to the gym again.

Hmm...if I stay here in base housing I could cut back on my hours. We finally have the other girls at work trained and they'll be taking call starting this month. So maybe, just maybe I can even leave work on time. Then if I drop just one day a week...

On and on the thoughts go.

So what I know is this: staying in base housing just makes the most financial sense. Being able to cut back my hours and spending as much time with my son his Senor year would be wonderful. Course, I would need to make a concentrated effort to get him out of the house and doing something. That and getting him to focus on school work with motivation and not an attitude of defeat.

Moving to town would be easier for all of us socially. We'd get to church more often, unless of course I had to work all the time to pay the rent.

As much as I would love to have a home in town so I could be close to places and be freer to open my home to friends often; staying on base and cutting back on the work load so I can be with my son more would be worth it. By being with my son, I mean doing something with him. Not just picking him up from school, feeding him something (not usually good/healthy), then nagging him for the next 4 hours to get school work done.

I guess moving would be changing the circumstances but not addressing the problem.

Thanks for listening. :)

Still Here

It has been a long time since I've actually written a post! I was surprised. Even more surprising is all you guys that still check in on me. My site meter shows that. I'd like to say that I have just been too busy...truth: I have been lazy.

I did go to a conference at Ironwood; Woman Counseling Woman Basics. WOW!! Eventually I'll do a whole separate post about it. For now I'll just say this: Over the years I've heard teachings, preachings and things that have created puzzle pieces in my mind. Based on these puzzle pieces I have formed opinions and taken action. This conference took those puzzle pieces and put them together to make a complete picture. Oh My! What a picture. I came home excited to death to get some things done. You know read the Bible in a day, memorize scripture continuously and ask forgiveness for every sin I ever did or thought to do. :cough:

Well, obviously the goal was set a bit too high. Except the forgiveness one, I've already done that. That's the prayer we pray when we realize we are hopeless sinners in need of a Savior.

So my plan was to go through the notebook we used at the conference and re listen to all the CD's. I also bought two other books and a Bible study.

Today I started the Bible study. I have some sin in my life that needs to be acknowledged and repented of. Right now the Lord has shown light in the broad sense: pride, anger and self righteousness. I'm not looking for any thing from you guys. Though one of my biggest sins is fear of man and not fear of the Lord. I just can never bring myself to walk down the aisle of the church Sunday morning and pray at the alter. So, if I may, I am using the Internet as a substitute to prayer at the alter. I am publicly confessing my sin, so that the Lord can begin to work in my heart. I always want this big awesome something to happen. I don't think the Lord works that way. Oh, He can. However, I think as I begin to honestly begin to acknowledge and repent of my sins then I will find that the joy of my Salvation is still there. Though I have stuffed it deep into the depths of a hardened heart, I trust the Lord to begin to soften the layers and bring it to the surface once again. Not for me, but for His Glory.

Forgive me Lord for my unbelief. I didn't realize that a Christian could have unbelief. I thought once you claimed Christ as Saviour that you were a believer. Not so. A believer yes, but still have unbelief. Lack of trust in the promises of the Bible.

This was going to be a short post and I feel my brain beginning to circle. I will be going to church in the morning, so I best be getting to bed.

I am still here. Guess I should add to my list of sins; laziness and gluttony.

Hope ya'll had a great Thanksgiving! Ours was nice and simple.