Busy-Lazy-Pity-GOD

Busy-- Being back to work has kept me busy to say the very least! Up at the crack of dawn and working til at least 1600, often times it's closer to 1700. I'm supposed to be done at 1530. However, one thing about nursing is you can't just leave if there is still a patient needing care. Could you imagine coming out of surgery, being groggy on anesthesia and hearing this voice say: Your surgery is over now. You are in the recovery room, but it's past quitting time so I'll see ya in the morning. Hope you're not hurting. NOT. So, even though I'm not the only nurse working I can't just up and leave just because you know it's quitting time. :)

Lazy- Now since my wonderful 8 hour job has turned into more like a 10 to 12 hour job, I have become lazy. Once upon a time there was food in the house. So, maybe it wasn't cooked and on the table every night. It was there in the house for any one that wanted to have a go at it! Clean clothes? Sure. Where? Certainly not in the dresser drawers or the closets. Maybe, if your lucky, they'll be in the dryer or the CLEAN laundry basket. The real kicker, the one that made me realize perhaps, just maybe things had slipped a little too far was when I heard: "Mom, why are the paper towels in the bathroom?" "There is no toilet paper" Four days later: "Mom when will you buy more toilet paper?" HMMMM, soon. I have turned into a couch potato. After work I pile up on the couch and watch TV. Sad I know. Worse than sad actually, but we won't go there.

Pity-- My baby girl is turning 18 years old this week. Our relationship is still rough to say the least. She did go to counseling with me last week. I left in tears. If any mother can get an award for trying It's me. I can look back and see all the things I tried that were wrong, but in my heart I was fighting the good fight. Now, I'm still fighting the good fight, however I am trying out a new sword. It's one that I've had access to for many many years and have actually used it from time to time. But, I forget how to use it. See, I'm used to fighting and doing. With this sword all I have to do is close my eyes and let HIM direct the Sword. All I have to do is read and speak this sword. It is so easy. Too easy if you are a doer and a fretter like me.
My son has informed me that his 16 year old, 5'8" frame is carring around 220 pounds. He has always been a solid boy, broad in the shoulders. But a lot of that weight is in his stomach and the Dr. has been watching him for high cholesterol and borderline high blood pressure.
I have made a change in my life--full time work. I love my job and my husband was ecstatic that I agreed to go back. However, there needs to be some fine tuning. Michael helps me quite a bit! In fact his encouragement and happiness at my being back at work helps me to ignore my short comings. He isn't bothered by them. Well, maybe the lack of TP.

GOD-- So I got up this Sunday morning thinking I don't want to go to church! I need to stay home and clean my house! Buy some food and TP and get the clean laundry put away. No my mind says you need to hear the word of God. It isn't your house that has slipped. It's time to come close to God again and trust him with my baby girl. To trust Him in the way He is leading in how to feed my family. So I drug myself to the shower and commenced with the morning routine. When I got to the living room there sat my husband ready for church. God is SO good. Now going to church was a joy not just a ride for my daughter. Then the preacher preached on being in the Word of GOD. Being in the Word and removing the things that are in competition with my desire to be in the WORD. Now, my daughter is a gift from God, so I can't, nor do I want, to remove her. My job is something that my husband wants from me. I spent years fighting this and being angry at him for wanting this from me. This time my heart will be different. I just am so very honestly grateful that I do enjoy the profession that I chose. No, what has to change is my walk with God. It is so easy to live it vicariously through others. To see and admire the strength they have and even be motivated by it. I'm not dealing with cancer, nor have I recently lost a relative that is near and dear to my heart. I just have a family that has needs and expectations. God knows all about it, in fact He created it all to grow us! While He knows it all, I'm sure that He is getting awful lonely waiting on me to talk to Him about it. I know all the talk about putting things in the hands of God, I've even tasted a miniature tad of it. So what is my fear? Where is the balance in being a concerned mom and one that lets go and allows God the space He needs to deal with and grow my child. Where is the balance of being a busy mom and one that needs to relax? Where is the space to meet with the Lord? I can do nothing with out taking the time it takes to draw near to Him and cast my cares upon Him. And you know what?! Talking about it and blogging about it does not count! As I type this I feel like it is the same old song and dance. Yet, a difference. I feel no guilt. Only a strong desire to do what is right!

What is that?
First, and the most important: Make time to be in the Word of God. To search Him out and renew our relationship!

Second, address the eating issue! Make a meal plan, throw out the temptations that will interfere with eating right. Get Kevin and Gab involved in meal preparations! Eating has been an issue in our home for years!! It started with trying to eat gluten and casein free. I have read the Hallelujah Diet for the second time. I truly, honestly believe that God is calling me to follow this plan. Michael and Kevin both are in agreement to trying it. What is it? eating raw fruits and veggies. Sounds simple?! Not when you are entrenched in the Standard American Diet. (SAD) To us a veggie is a carrot or something frozen. Fresh is something we buy and then watch rot in the fridge.

What is heaviest on my heart at this time is my daughter. Please pray for her! She is at the age of transitioning from childhood to adulthood. Verbally she wants; screams for the adult life and adult responsibilities; yet her actions are still those of a child that desires to be cared for. I suppose this is normal to some degree. Well, lets just say we are in counseling for a reason.

Well, now you are up to date. I hope to post pictures soon.
Have a terrific week!!