The Lord Is Good

I have been home from our Ladies Retreat for about 2 hours. It was a great time.
I want to get this out there before it becomes 'cold'.

I took a friend of mine from another church and my daughter. The retreat started Thursday evening and was over this (Sat.) morning. Lots of good food, laughter and God.

On Friday night our group gathered in one of our cabins to have a testimony time. Several ladies shared about how God was using the retreat to speak to them. While I listened I was thinking, this has been great, I love to fellowship with these women, hear the word of God and sing praises; but I haven't heard from God specifically.

One Lady shared how she was moved to go forward during the invitation that night, but she didn't go because she had no idea what the Lord wanted her to pray about. This same friend also shared that she felt she needed to be more submissive to God. This whole going forward concept sort of resonated with me because I have felt in the past a need to go forward as well. Not at this retreat, but in the past. I didn't go because I didn't know why I needed to or I felt it could just be handled in my seat.

Well, God saved the zinger for this last session, this morning. The speaker spoke about expectations. Not only did the Lord use her to speak to me about a few issues, but I was already tendered and bristled toward the subject because of a conversation I had with my mom on our trip. Correction; it was not a conversation. My mom tried and I shut her down and none too politely told her I didn't want to hear it. I have no idea what she was going to say to me, however I can assure you that God picked up where mom left off and nailed the point home.

Let me back track for just a minute. A common thought that rolls in my head when I'm at one of these retreats is:"yes, but How?" Lord I know I'm supposed to pray and have quiet time. Oh I pray all the time. I do read my Bible, but a regular quiet time? A time when I can just be still and listen. Yea, uh-huh....no that wouldn't be me. I'm sure I could give an excellent devotion on how and when and why we should be having time alone with the Lord. I usually leave the service thinking, I'm going to ask some one why I can't seem to do this. I am just stumped. Why can't I do this thing I so desire to do.

Ohhhh....I have the desire but not the discipline. Yes, that's it. So, I went a year or so thanking the Lord for the desire and asking for the discipline.

Ladies beware!! Guess what the Holy Spirit revealed to me this fine Saturday morning?!

My lack of discipline has crossed the line. It is no longer a lack of discipline, it is down right disobedience! How do I know? Once I recovered from the head trauma that the Holy Spirit had to inflict upon me to get me attention, I began to reflect. How many times did the Lord not only provided for me a time to be with Him, he also invited me to step away with Him. You know, those times when after work I turned on the TV and heard, "now would be a good time to do some reading". Or more often: I go to pick up a reading book and the Bible that is laying right beside it beckons to me--read me first, spend some time with me. My response, yea I want to be in a minute I only have a few pages left in this book.

I don't know if this revelation lines up with any theological thought process. I do know that I have expectations of life. Some I wasn't even aware of. I actually believe that this is normal. However, if I am getting to know my Jesus then my expectations will be His expectations and I will be a much more pleasant person to spend time with.

When invitation time came I flew to the front, bawling like I had just lost my best friend.

Well, I hadn't lost Him. I was just ignoring Him. When it was all said and done I felt a little foolish for the level of emotion that came from me. On the other hand, I have struggled with this for longer than I care to admit. I come home from retreats and church services determined to do better. I get the basket and set up the special place and set the time. For two or three days life is great. All my effort is just that, all me. What's different this time?

Jesus is my Savior, I desire to be with Him. Do I have the discipline? No, no more now than I did two days ago. My desire and my discipline come from the urging and strength of the Holy Spirit. I no longer wish to turn my back on that. How mean and rude is it to beg for something and then not accept it when that something has been handed to you.

What I need, no-not need, but request is to be held accountable. Oh, God will hold me accountable. However, I would prefer to be held accountable now, so when THE time comes I can stand before my Savior.

I have no idea if any of this makes sense! That is actually, ok. Jesus and I have an understanding. That understanding was meant for me, from Him.

Feel free to check in with me and help hold me accountable.