Today I took Gabrielle to her orthodontist appointment. I was really looking forward to the day. We made her appointment on time and then we went to Home Depot. Not her favorite place to be, but I needed a couple shelves. I picked up 2 corner shelves and one cheap shelf with 3 decorative brackets. When I saw the cost I wanted to just put it all back. Way too much money for what I got. But that's a post for another time. Gab loves orange chicken but it was too early for lunch and we weren't hungry. I told her I'd been wanting to take her to Applebee's for a dessert there.
"OK, let's have lunch there, mom"
"Great"
As we rode back into town (her ortho appt is 2 hours away) she reminded me about Applebees.
Mom: Let's split a sandwich too.
Gab: OK
We are seated in the restaurant and she ask: Can we get fried pickles?
No, I don't want to buy a sandwich, an appetizer and dessert. What kind of sandwich would you like?
I'm thinking she really likes Applebees and there is a certain sandwich she likes. I'll let her choose the sandwich, but there is no way we can each eat a whole sandwich so we'll just split it. Save money and not waste food. I'm thinking that this is such a fun treat.
Mom: "so what kind of sandwich do you what?
Gab: shoulder shrug
Mom: Oh look there's: and I read several things off the menu.
No interest from Gab. She has totally with drawn from me.
The waiter finally shows up and I order coffee and dessert. She orders a soda.
I am trying really hard not to be upset. I'm thinking I was so looking forward to this. Maybe I should have ordered the pickles. I can't believe she's acting like this just because I said no to pickles. I guess I miss read her interest.
Dessert comes. I'm the only one that eats it. There is no conversation. I make a couple attempts, but it's just too hard. Maybe she really wasn't interested in dessert. I could have ordered the pickles and then I could have enjoyed her. Pickles, no sandwich. I mean it was about being with her, not the food.
Then she ask, can you take me to the store for some bread crumbs?
Mom: No, not tonight I want to go home.
Gab: I was thinking maybe I could make my own pickles.
Mom: We can get some next time I go, but I'm not going tonight.
We make 2 stops on the way home and then I was called to work. I'm sure she's over the whole pickle thing, but I'm still sitting here rolling it over in my head. Why was it such a big deal. Why didn't I just order the pickles? Why did she choose not to join me in what I saw as a gift just because I didn't order pickles. See at first I thought, her change in attitude has nothing to do with the pickles. Until she asked to go to the store so she could make her own.
This is a very typical situation with Gab and I.
It makes me nuts. Sometimes I can just shrug and realize it's just the way she is. Other times, I take it very personally and spend a lot of time wondering if I could of/ should of handled it differently.
That was my day. I probably shouldn't have taken up web space and your time with such nonsense. Then again, it's nice to dump it.
I hope all of you had a wonderful day. Enjoy your week end.
About Me
- Robin
- I am married to a wonderful man that has lots of patience. I have a daughter who is now married and a son who still lives at home. I love my family more than anything. Almost more than anything; I also love Jesus. He and I are growing closer day by day. Some times I lose my way and He has to pull me back and remind me how sweet it is to be in fellowship with Him!
5 comments:
I'm not going to sugar-coat this...JUST BECAUSE SHE DID NOT GET...PICKLES!!PUH-LEES!
Next time you are out, let her order the fried pickles. Why? Because the only way people feel loved is when we love them THEIR way. Here is a little ditty that I try hard to live by ~ love the children their way and train them up God's way. Little things like what a person orders at the restaurant is only a big deal to them ~ at times like these, make the priority to enjoy the relationship.
I believe that I know what I am talking about. You know me and you know my relationship with my husband and children. It is strong and it is good and it is something that has been strengthened by the good times that I have decided to love on them THEIR way.
(((hug))) Oh Mrs Robin, this about made me cry as I thought of so many struggles with my mom. We truly just misunderstood each other on so many different levels. Have you ever heard of the 5 Love Languages? There is one for teens. Like Mrs Fink said, we only hear "I love you" when it is "our way". I sure wish that my mom and I could have read that. http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/books_familyparenting.html#teens
. A genuine HONEST heart to heart with my mom would have helped mend a multitude of wrongs. Reading the situation, it is apparent that there are many hurts on both sides. Struggling for *control* of the situation was hurtful for both of you I am sure. I so admire your open honest post...((hug)). I sure hope we stay in touch so I can talk to you when my time comes. Love you-Heather
LEt me tell you this. I have started, atemped to read on more than one occassion The five love languages books. I just don't do reading well, I usually start a book get something out of it and then never pick it up again.
So, I'll tell you this. I did learn a lot for the few chapters I read. I learned that all 5 of us in this house have a different love language. And it is so much easier to love with the love language that is your own. I am a service kind of person. I'll do anything for you, and that is how I show my love. My husband likes time. Jordan is a touchy kind of guy. Jordan loves to be touched, pat on the back, a hug, any physical contact.(you know what I mean by that) Austin is a gift kind of little guy. He treasures anything people give him as a gift, no matter how small or big. Zach is a little of both touchy and time. He loves to just sit on my lap, and just sit. Maybe get a back scratch.
Okay I say all that to say this. I feel for both of you in this situation. It is hard to be the Mom, and worry about the cost, and giving in when they get upset about things not going there way, but evidently she needed that on that day. Hey, I'm not dogging you at all. I've been there done that, most every day actually. I find myself "doing" for the boys, when really they don't care, they want the affirmation in their love language. Jordan, just a pat on the back. Austin, just any little gift, and Zach "just spend some time with my Mom, forget that the house is a mess."
It is hard to balance life. I will be praying for you. I cna't even imagine my husband being gone for a few days, much less as long as your man will be gone. That has to take a toll on all of you.
Hey, I emailed you, but wasn't sure if it was your personal email, or the family one. I didn't want to embarass anyone. Your are doing a fine job. You care, and that is why you are so concerned.
Okay, this has turned into a "book" sorry. Maybe we can chat through email again. I so enjoyed that.
Next time you are out, let her order the pickles if that's what you think she wants, and you desire to bless her.
But if--for whatever reason--you don't *want* to order the pickles, and she despises you again, you will need to gently and quietly leave a small tip, cancel your order and take her home.
Sounds harsh, I know, but think about how that behavior will play out with an employer or a husband? Bad. Very bad.
And that is the hard part of parenting. You want to love on her because it's just a phase and she's lovely in so many other ways, but you are called to raise up a child to adulthood.
Spoken in love, and trusting that's how you've received it. (: )
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