Seems I've Blown It Again

My daughter and son rode to church with me tonight. My daughter was on the phone the whole way inviting her new found friends to church. Two of them came.

I sat tall in my seat with my son beside me and my daughter behind me. Her two friends were male and they sang the hymns and followed the scriptures in the Bibles. They didn't bring their Bibles, but just before the sermon Gab slipped out and got all three of them a Bible.

I can not even begin to explain the mother's pride and warm fuzzy feelings that coursed through my body in praise to God.

Then came the fall. After church my daughter came up to me in her tiny black dress and 3 inch heels and says, we are going to go 4 wheeling and then to Eureka Point. It's also very dark. My reflexive response was; "Your going 4 wheeling in that! No, I want you to come home with me."

Needless to say she didn't hear what was in my heart. I had made the assumption that since she came with me she would leave with me. I asked her to please come home with me.

She vollied with this general approach: I don't want to go home and do nothing. I've already told you that I want to make a date to spend time with you. You have to learn to let go of me.

I continued to say Please come home with me. I attempted to express that I just wanted her home. That knowing she was here brought me comfort. Just doing plain ordinary things like finding food to eat, making and eating it together and watching TV together brings me great comfort and peace. Nor did I try to tell her that I had done an admirable job of 'letting her go'. For the last 3 weeks she has been gone every night until at least MN. Not once have I demanded to know where she had been or what she was doing. I would greet her. I would ask how her night was and did she have a good time. In other words I tried to show interest in her life and make conversation.

OK, so how did I blow it? I walked away. Then I back tracked to her and in front of her friends asked them not to take her 4 wheeling in the outfit she was in. Thanked them for bringing her home and then made sure they all heard that I was very angry and hurt. Yes, I embarrassed her and myself.

Then on the way home I cried the gut wretching sobs of broken hearted rejection.

Next I will attempt to write her an apology for my childishness. Then in the same note try to express to her that my desire to have her home tonight was just a desire to be with her. Yes, I would love to make plans to go and do something with her, but sometimes I just like to cozy up knowing that my family is here with me.