"I can't lead if you won't let me."

Put that feather in your hat and wear it. No thank you very much, it isn't very flattering.

No, it isn't; but it is the truth. Bless his sweet heart for taking a deep breath and saying it, rather than just clamming up and saying nothing.

All the old words were there to throw back. So it's all MY fault?! That's ok, you'll still be held accountable for not stepping up to the plate and being strong.

Then the very small voice that whispered, yea but you'll be held accountable too and you know he's right.

That feather is in my hat like it or not. I'm not yielded to much of anything just now.

Anger overflows and runs down my face in unchecked tears.

I have a choice: blame it on hormones, dig out the prozac, or fall on my face before the Lord.

I ashamed to say I don't want to do any of it.

In all the years of this intense anger that tends to rage with in me, I never feel that my anger is at the Lord. In fact I have taken great pride in the fact that in spite of it all, I'm not angry at the Lord.

Yea, well, lot of good that does me when anger is anger and interferes with all my relationships.

I had let go of this anger. It had actually gone away. When it reared it's ugly head I could recoginze it and calm it.

Now it's back and every thing is feeding it. work, the Marine Corps, my relationship with my daughter, the condition of my house.

I recognize the vicious cycle.

Rather than surrendering and resting I'm up on the balls of my feet, fist clenched and raised, ready to do battle.