Rotten Apples

I just *love* reading blogs! Then when I'm driving back and forth to Yucca Valley I mentally write my blogs. Then I sit down to type and every thing I thought that was funny, is plain; what I thought was meaningful is trite. So rather then write I read. Wow! Encouragement, struggles, life.
Course you won't get off that easy;)--- now I write.

Today I read a wonderful post written by Grafted Branch at restoringtheyears.blogspot.com. I don't know how to do the linky thing yet. It is very well written and very timely for me.

I have read two post by two different Southern women,(Boomama and Bigmama) that have wonderful humor. The combination gets me every time. I'm from the south so I can just hear their voices in my head, though I don't know them.
Anyhow, their post was about PMS, Sunday mornings and little children. I could so relate and actually thought glad mine aren't little anymore. HA!

Sunday morning. Son doesn't care to join us for Sunday morning. I'm going to try to be brief. PMS is not my excuse for my behavior and little does not describe my son. I informed him as he sat up in bed with his covers hiding his head, that if he did not get his shower and join us, that I would take his games and bedtime for the rest of the week would be 2100. Then I slammed his door with gale wind force and stormed to the kitchen. I went back, no he was not going to join us. Now I am breathing heavy and talking to myself. Hubby is keeping a wide berth. I am his mother, he is a 16 year old child and I have every right to make him go to church with me. This is what I am saying out loud to myself. So I storm back into his room, jerk clothes off his hanger and throw them at him declaring that he didn't have time to shower, get dressed you are going to church! I again stormed from the room. Taking heaping gulps of air, I'm now realizing that this guy is not 3 and 30 pounds. If he refuses I have a bigger problem on my hands. He got dressed and we all made it to church on time. Emotional manipulation?! Right idea wrong approach.
See why Grafted Branch's blog was so timely for me this morning?

Then this morning as I was taking Kevin to school the whole thing came up again. He likes to stay up late Saturday night to see a show. I allowed it as long as he gave me no trouble getting up for church. He assured me that it didn't matter what time he went to bed he wouldn't be getting up to church. He said several other things that hurt my heart and frightens me a great deal in regards to his heart. Which again made me think of Grafted Branch's post as well as Mishel's Post at Seasonsofmylife.blogspot.com: The heart of the problem is a heart problem.
There is no doubt that this little; how 'bout huge guy has a heart problem! However, in looking back on my behavior and attitude; is not the problem MY heart?! Is his attitude my heart reflected?! Don't get me wrong; I will not take the sole blame for his actions and decisions but have I not sown seeds into his heart?

My friend helped me put my blog look together and she chose the verse at the top. The last 2 days I have been reflecting on it as I think to write. I believe my words have been rotten apples! My inconsistencies and seeds sown will not resolve themselves. I am thankful that God is allowing me to see the wrongs, now I pray that I will yield to His Spirit and grow through this and not camp out and become the martyr. There is nothing worse than seeing your children suffer because of seeds you have sown.

Please Dear Lord, Create in me a clean heart willing. Let the flesh be dead so that your strength can carry me through. Bridle my tongue! Allow my words to be encouraging and up lifting. Help me throw out the bad apples and stop just rearranging them so that the bad doesn't show.